1. You are too fat.
2. You have bad skin.
3. You were molested as a child.
4. You name your plants.
5. You are a willing tool of the oppressive authorities.
6. You have trouble understanding what's 'cool'.
7. Everyone is better than you.
8. You listen to the government and the press.
9. You believe what your peers tell you.
10. You are an addict.